How to (really) Win in Negotiations
In his book Never Split The Difference Chris Voss describes a bank robbery scene that every FBI hostage negotiator dreams to be a part of. Chris gets a call that there’s an armed robbery with hostages in a Manhattan bank - first in 20 years. Tensions are high and people may lose lives. The hostage negotiator literally has lives in their hands. Chris is the negotiator this time and what is his strategy? In a nutshell — to calm down everyone’s nervous systems, including those of the bank robbers’! Throughout the book, Chris goes on describing various tactics and strategies that he developed that got him through the most unlikely negotiations and high stakes situations. All those strategies come down to genuinely trying to understand the other side’s perspective, appreciate the significance of their predicament and create safety and trust in the interaction.
If this approach can get hostage negotiators successfuly release people from the hands of dangerous individuals, we can surely create fantastic outcomes when the stakes are less than life threatening, such as negotiations with business partners or between teams and their leaders? Most negotiations courses will focus on BATNAs (best alternative to negotiated agreement) and ZOPAs (zone of possible agreement) and competition vs collaboration but in reality all of these techniques simply talk about more or less agreeable ways of negotiating competitively within a fixed pie. This is where Karen Welch’s “Quantum Negotiation” helps us see a bigger picture and expands that view. Within the framework of quantum negotiations we can create an unlimited pie once we understand how interrelated we are, and genuinely seek the best outcome for both parties. This is what Chris did when he ‘expanded’ the realm of possibilities for the bank robber and when leaders can see solutions beyond what they think is possible.
But humans don’t buy into potentially risky options if they don’t intuitively connect with it. It is only in an environment of emotional safety that we allow ourselves to open up on wider possibilities. Quantum negotiations’ philosophical approach combined with the emotional acuity of the hostage negotiator in creating safety in some of the most unsafe relationship dynamics is when the magic happens in negotiations.